Lost and Found
by Kali1
Summary: Lee Forrester reflects on a lost love, and wonders if he has lost his humanity as well.


__Lost and Found

_By Kali_

Nervous, so nervous. And why shouldn't I be? I'm only meeting one of the most notorious 'terrorists' of the past two decades! 

Except, that isn't all he is. No. He had to be so damned complicated! Of all the nerve! Why couldn't he have just been the mutant equivalent of 'Snidely Whiplash'? Oh, hell! I'm not ready for this! I really am not. But........... I need to be. I have to be. 

What did Dad always say? 'Hurdles are only as complicated as you make them out to be.' Not sure if that really applies here. This case is a bit different. 

This wouldn't bother me so much, if I didn't still care about him. A part of me still believes that what we shared was true. And it was. Or is that just a lie that I tell myself, to keep the guilt at bay? 

I mean, I saved him. Wouldn't that make me partly responsible for everything he's done since? 

Scott would say no, bless his soul. He never believed that taking a life was an answer. That there always had to be another way. No matter how difficult it was. 

Oh God, Scott. You didn't deserve your fate. You were so wonderful and sweet. A perfect, charming knight in not so shining armor. The consummate leader. The consummate friend. .............. My friend. 

But...... Scott never liked him, he never trusted him. Scott thought I was fruit loops for loving him, for trusting him. And perhaps, he was right? Or perhaps, it was Scott who was blind to the truth? 

Argh! I hate this! I want to hate him so badly, it hurts! I mean, how can I reconcile the man who held me in his arms after we made love, with the man who would EMP'd the entire damned world! 

Okay, so maybe he had his reasons. Maybe he wasn't well. I don't know, I wish I did. I wish.... 

What was that song lyric? "If wishes were fishes?" I think that was it. Strange song, but I could use some magic right now. Just make things disappear. 

But, if I'm honest with myself. I know I don't want things to just disappear. If I made any impact in his perceptions of the human race, then everything was worth it. Or so I tell myself. 

Magda was the love of his life, not me. But, I wanted to heal him of the hurt she dealt him. The pain she caused by running away without first listening to his side of the story. 

I guess,.......... I guess that's why I'm here. My dad always taught me to be fair. To hear both sides of the story before making a decision. Nice in theory. But scary as hell at times. 

I think I'd rather jump into shark infested waters, than do this. But then, that's how we met the second time around. Not your everyday courtship, that's for sure. 

Used to think that would be such an interesting story to tell the grand kids one day. But the way mutant/human relations are going currently...... 

The stories he used to tell me about Anya. The excitement and wonder he felt with her first steps, her first words. Just like any other proud poppa, she was the apple of his eye. His bright hope...... How quickly that all turned to ash. 

He wanted to nurture and protect his family. But instead, he unknowingly mistreated his other children. The twins. He told me how that made him feel. The look of disgust in their eyes felt like an open, raw, and festering wound. That all he could hope for, was another chance to try again. 

But things never quite work out the way you want them to. No matter how fervently you wish otherwise. Life always throws you for a loop. I just wish..... 

He's..... he's here. He looks....... scared. He's as afraid of me, of my feelings towards him. As I am of him, and his feelings. 

I almost burst a gut laughing so hard. Really shouldn't. He's been betrayed so often in the past, he might misunderstand. It's just a little funny, that's all. For all his bravado, and his arrogance, he is still just human after all. Just wish I could make him see that. 

_**Disclaimer: **Lee Forrestor and other Marvel characters belong to...uh well, Marvel Comics. This fan fiction is meant as pure, harmless fun. As such, no profit is being made from it._


End file.
